


Pearl Gets Drunk and Dies

by Void_Felinoid



Series: Drunk Pearl [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Brose 4 lyfe, Drinking, Drunk Pearl, Gen, space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-07-27
Packaged: 2018-07-27 02:31:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7600006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Void_Felinoid/pseuds/Void_Felinoid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kinda self-explanatory, I think. Largely inspired by <a href="http://mangulworts.tumblr.com/post/128273230651/just-take-it-easy-steven-its-gonna-be-good">this.</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Pearl Gets Drunk and Dies

 

Steven wakes up one day at 5AM to the sound of glass striking the counters and shattering upon the floors, a clear sign of Pearl's arrival.

“ _Steben!”_ She slurredly yells out, _“Get the truck in the fuck!”_

 

Pearl then grabs Steven by either shoulder and rushes him downstairs, falling halfway down. Steven is flung into the air, bubbling himself before crashing through a wall.

 

Steven slides across the porch and onto the beach, bursting his bubble. He opens his eyes to find Garnet and Amethyst wondering what the hell happened.

 

“ _What the hell happened?”_ Asks Amethyst.  
 _“Is Pearl drunk again?”_ Asks Garnet.

 

Before Steven could answer, Pearl suddenly appears over the balcony, drink in hand.

 

“ _Stevo!”_ She yells while nearly falling off the balcony, _“Why ain'tchu inna truck yet?”_

“ _Looks like she is.”_ Garnet says, shaking her head.

“ _Whazzat, Garny?”_ Pearl asks while leaning over the balcony, _“Ya got sum sorta problem I should hear 'bout?”_

 

As she finishes her sentence, Pearl falls off of the balcony and right next to Garnet, Amethyst and Steven.

 

“ _Pearl, we need to talk,”_ Garnet says, arms crossed, _“Your drinking problem is getting worse, and it's affecting all those around you.”_

“ _Like me!”_ Amethyst yells out.

“ _Er, yes, but mostly I was thinking of Steven,”_ Garnet replies, turning to Steven, _“Tell Pearl how her drinking makes you feel, Steven.”_

“ _Whatever makes bird-mom happy...”_ Steven says before passing out.

“ _Look at that,”_ Garnet says while pointing at Steven's unconscious body, _“He probably has a concussion, or some other human thing; We need to get him to a hospital.”_

“ _Bitch, don' wurry,”_ Pearl replies, _“Lemme juss drive 'im to a hospa-whatever.”_

“ _You're lucky you are the only one of us allowed to drive,”_ Garnet says as she hands Pearl the keys to the van, _“But just the hospital, okay?”_

 

Pearl waves Garnet off and takes the keys, and drags Steven over to the van, which has _Brose 4 Lyfe_ poorly spray-painted on it. She gets into the van and starts it up, while opening another beer and cranking up the radio. After a few hours and a couple of crashes, Pearl finally arrives at the shack. She hops out and drags a flying saucer which appears to be made out of junk out into the open, and puts Steven in the passenger seat of it. Before she is able to get in, Peridot wanders over to investigate the noise.

 

“ _Is this your clod-mobile?”_ Peridot asks as she leans up against the saucer.

“ _Fuck you, Pory,”_ Pearl says as she gets into the make-shift spaceship, _“Ya ever think yer juss rilly fuckin' annoying?”_

“ _That was uncalled for,”_ Peridot replies, _“But anyways, I did the calculations and I doubt this ship could even get off the ground, much less into space.”_

 

Pearl responds by flipping Peridot off and slamming the door shut, accidentally cutting off and poofing her middle finger away.

 

“ _Fuck!”_ She yells out as she looks at her hand, _“I loved that finger!”_

“ _W-wha?”_ Steven asks as he wakes up from his concussion, _“What's going on”_

“ _Stever!”_ Pearl yells out as she attempts to hug him, which is not possible in the small confines of her spaceship, _“Look what Party did to my finger!”_

“ _Pearl, what's going on?”_ Steven asks as he looks around the spaceship.

“ _Yer mom loved that finger, too,”_ Pearl whispers as she starts up the ship, _“But it's time for spess!”_

 

The ship starts to rumble violently, causing Peridot to quickly jump away from it. Remarkably, the make-shift space ship actually manages to get off of the ground, and after a few seconds manages to level itself out. Steven throws up and goes unconscious. Later, Steven wakes up once again to a feeling of weightlessness. He looks to his side and sees Pearl drinking slowly out of a bottle while staring out of the windows in amazement. Steven then looks outside the windows and sees a near endless amount of stars and planets and so many other things; he turns to Pearl.

 

“ _Where are we?”_ He asks.

“ _Spess,”_ Pearl replies, wiping away a tear, _“We're in spess, steden, we finally made it.”_

“ _It's beautiful,”_ Steven says, looking around some more, _“But, uh, how're we getting down?_

“ _Wha?”_ Pearl asks, _“Why would we do that?”_

“ _Y'know,”_ Steven replies, _“To eat and stuff, and hang out with friends.”_

“ _Sounds lame,”_ Pearl mumbles, _“Where we're goin', we don't need 'friends'.”_

“ _Where are we going, exactly?”_ Steven asks.

“ _Homeworl, bitches,”_ Pearl replies as the ship suddenly picks up speed, _“We're gonna show those space-nazi bastards who's boss.”_

“ _Pearl, Pearl, Pearl,”_ Steven says, _“I'm not sure this is such a good idea.”_

“ _An' why d'ya say that?”_ Pearl asks as the ship rumbles and the _'check engine'_ light comes on.

“ _Call it a gut feeling.”_ Steven replies.

“ _Call it my-”_ Pearl says before being cut off by a sudden explosion in one of the engines.

 

The ship comes barreling down towards the moon and they **DIE**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry.


End file.
